My story

It started 13 years ago when I went into the doctors office as I was not having a period and was told I had a devastating condition called Premature Ovarian Failure. ( www.pofsupport.org ) I was 16 years old and was being told that I was in premature menopause. I was experiencing hot flashes and cold sweats and felt just awful. The doctors also said that I had an auto immune disease and that my body was attacking itself and it had killed all the eggs I had in my ovaries. Since woman are born with all the eggs they will have I was never going to be able to have children.
At this time devastation and depression overtook me and I have never been the same.
Growing up in Utah in a community where family is so important I felt as though I didn't fit in and belong. I felt like I had let my future husband and family down yet I never met them. Slowly I'm learning that I have a place and I can help others see theirs too.
I have been married almost 10 years and just last year my wonderful husband and I received the miracle of adopting our daughter. She is priceless and seriously our miracle. She has been joy to us and joy we were starting to not feel at all. We have struggled with the birthmother and she wants more of an open adoption then we are comfortable with. She really overstepped boundaries and made us extremely uncomfortable. She has talked bad behind our backs and has said horrible things about and to us. It is almost as though we are finally blessed to become parents through adoption and then we aren't quite parents. she wants us to be the caregivers or guardians and then come in and be a part of every special occasion. Occasions we have waited and wanted for a long time. Truth is their has been zero respect from her side including her family and we have had to bite our tongues a lot and pray and hope that she can accept what we are comfortable with. It has been hard now as our daughter is going on 3 and a half years old. If we don't give into her we are the jerks and then she says horrible things when in reality she doesn't even know us. It has been devastatingly hard and this has taught us how to be more patient,grateful for our daughter, and how to learn forgiveness. We are adopting again hopefully in soon in the future but hopefully with a more healthy outcome.
Do you ever say to yourselves, "Why do I seem to attract all the trials?" I have said that before...it is like no matter what I do or how hard I try life just throws sour, sour lemons at me. (We finally adopt and yet their is drama after drama with the birthmother) But being hopeful is not easy and is not intended to be. We just hang in there and learn what we can from what trials come our way.

For me hope has come through seeing the little and big miracles of every day life. The fact of the matter is Life is a Journey and not a race. When you slow down and observe the little things you do have the miracles seem to stand out and you see the positive even amidst trials.

Have you ever heard someone say,"when you are struggling with a problem...try to help others and your problems will go away." ?? My mom used to say that to me all the time. She is one of my heroes and That is my goal with this blog...to do just that! To help YOU! To help YOU know you are not alone and to hear your stories.
So what is your story? How has infertility affected you? How do you find hope in the Journey of life? We want to know...send an e-mail to foreverfullofhope@gmail.com and I will post your story. Include pictures in you want. :)

For me I don't know anyone that doesn't need support in their trials. I know I do.
Be strong and know you aren't alone.

Starting this blog....

I am starting this blog because I am a survivor! More then likely you are too....Life is hard at times and sometimes it is nice to know that you are not alone. This blog is intended to be for those couples who have struggled with infertility, child loss or miscarriage. You are not alone. Whether your family has come from a successful pregnancy, adoption or still hasn't come you can have hope that things will work out.
I consider myself a positive person... I like to help people and so my goal in this blog is to bring hope to other couples and families that have been through what I have. Whatever your circumstance is others do know how you feel.
I remain annonyomous for the privacy of my family and adopted children.

Remember you are never alone!