Sorry to vent once again but I am in a hard place right now that I don't know if I even understand. My sister is pregnant...due any day now and she has had some serious struggles (which have made me so worried about her.)
I have felt so jealous of her too...she is healthy..skinny...and pregnant with a little boy. I feel pathetic and alone. It is so hard that her and my mom can talk about what is about to happen but I can't include myself because..."it won't ever happen to me."
She wants me to be there for the birth since "i probably won't ever get to experience it myself." (her words) I know she means well and that she loves me but I don't think anyone could know how difficult this has been for me. How can I say that I can't come in when she has the baby when she wants me to so badly...she said that she needs my support. Emotionally I don't know if I can handle it though. Any advice? It has been a bad day for me today and I have felt like crying...
It is like I cannot focus on what I have right now and I only focus on what I don't have. I hate feeling this way...it is awful. It makes me feel like I am ungrateful! But i'm not... I am so grateful for my husband and daughter we were blessed to adopt. I'm just in a place where normally (if we could get pregnant we would be pregnant now again since our daughter is 1 1/2) but we don't know what our next step is... adoption again? Invitro? or an only child? I want to enjoy every minute with my daughter...and I feel as though I am but I want a clear mind and I can't have one right now with the situation of my sister....I feel so down any advice?
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
reflecting
I just got back from spending 10 days with my husbands family and my family for part of the time.
As I was surrounded by those I love more then I can put into words and I was outdoors which is so relaxing to me... I reflected a lot about life. How can we endure our pains of infertility? It is such a lonely situation.
I have been in such a low about it for years I wondered how I could keep going when I felt so depressed and worthless.
How have you conquered your trials with infertility? I'm trying to be strong but it has been hard.
I know we aren't alone and don't forget that you are never alone!
As I was surrounded by those I love more then I can put into words and I was outdoors which is so relaxing to me... I reflected a lot about life. How can we endure our pains of infertility? It is such a lonely situation.
I have been in such a low about it for years I wondered how I could keep going when I felt so depressed and worthless.
How have you conquered your trials with infertility? I'm trying to be strong but it has been hard.
I know we aren't alone and don't forget that you are never alone!
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