my sister...need advice

Sorry to vent once again but I am in a hard place right now that I don't know if I even understand. My sister is pregnant...due any day now and she has had some serious struggles (which have made me so worried about her.)
I have felt so jealous of her too...she is healthy..skinny...and pregnant with a little boy. I feel pathetic and alone. It is so hard that her and my mom can talk about what is about to happen but I can't include myself because..."it won't ever happen to me."
She wants me to be there for the birth since "i probably won't ever get to experience it myself." (her words) I know she means well and that she loves me but I don't think anyone could know how difficult this has been for me. How can I say that I can't come in when she has the baby when she wants me to so badly...she said that she needs my support. Emotionally I don't know if I can handle it though. Any advice? It has been a bad day for me today and I have felt like crying...
It is like I cannot focus on what I have right now and I only focus on what I don't have. I hate feeling this way...it is awful. It makes me feel like I am ungrateful! But i'm not... I am so grateful for my husband and daughter we were blessed to adopt. I'm just in a place where normally (if we could get pregnant we would be pregnant now again since our daughter is 1 1/2) but we don't know what our next step is... adoption again? Invitro? or an only child? I want to enjoy every minute with my daughter...and I feel as though I am but I want a clear mind and I can't have one right now with the situation of my sister....I feel so down any advice?

My story

It started 13 years ago when I went into the doctors office as I was not having a period and was told I had a devastating condition called Premature Ovarian Failure. ( www.pofsupport.org ) I was 16 years old and was being told that I was in premature menopause. I was experiencing hot flashes and cold sweats and felt just awful. The doctors also said that I had an auto immune disease and that my body was attacking itself and it had killed all the eggs I had in my ovaries. Since woman are born with all the eggs they will have I was never going to be able to have children.
At this time devastation and depression overtook me and I have never been the same.
Growing up in Utah in a community where family is so important I felt as though I didn't fit in and belong. I felt like I had let my future husband and family down yet I never met them. Slowly I'm learning that I have a place and I can help others see theirs too.
I have been married almost 10 years and just last year my wonderful husband and I received the miracle of adopting our daughter. She is priceless and seriously our miracle. She has been joy to us and joy we were starting to not feel at all. We have struggled with the birthmother and she wants more of an open adoption then we are comfortable with. She really overstepped boundaries and made us extremely uncomfortable. She has talked bad behind our backs and has said horrible things about and to us. It is almost as though we are finally blessed to become parents through adoption and then we aren't quite parents. she wants us to be the caregivers or guardians and then come in and be a part of every special occasion. Occasions we have waited and wanted for a long time. Truth is their has been zero respect from her side including her family and we have had to bite our tongues a lot and pray and hope that she can accept what we are comfortable with. It has been hard now as our daughter is going on 3 and a half years old. If we don't give into her we are the jerks and then she says horrible things when in reality she doesn't even know us. It has been devastatingly hard and this has taught us how to be more patient,grateful for our daughter, and how to learn forgiveness. We are adopting again hopefully in soon in the future but hopefully with a more healthy outcome.
Do you ever say to yourselves, "Why do I seem to attract all the trials?" I have said that before...it is like no matter what I do or how hard I try life just throws sour, sour lemons at me. (We finally adopt and yet their is drama after drama with the birthmother) But being hopeful is not easy and is not intended to be. We just hang in there and learn what we can from what trials come our way.

For me hope has come through seeing the little and big miracles of every day life. The fact of the matter is Life is a Journey and not a race. When you slow down and observe the little things you do have the miracles seem to stand out and you see the positive even amidst trials.

Have you ever heard someone say,"when you are struggling with a problem...try to help others and your problems will go away." ?? My mom used to say that to me all the time. She is one of my heroes and That is my goal with this blog...to do just that! To help YOU! To help YOU know you are not alone and to hear your stories.
So what is your story? How has infertility affected you? How do you find hope in the Journey of life? We want to know...send an e-mail to foreverfullofhope@gmail.com and I will post your story. Include pictures in you want. :)

For me I don't know anyone that doesn't need support in their trials. I know I do.
Be strong and know you aren't alone.

Starting this blog....

I am starting this blog because I am a survivor! More then likely you are too....Life is hard at times and sometimes it is nice to know that you are not alone. This blog is intended to be for those couples who have struggled with infertility, child loss or miscarriage. You are not alone. Whether your family has come from a successful pregnancy, adoption or still hasn't come you can have hope that things will work out.
I consider myself a positive person... I like to help people and so my goal in this blog is to bring hope to other couples and families that have been through what I have. Whatever your circumstance is others do know how you feel.
I remain annonyomous for the privacy of my family and adopted children.

Remember you are never alone!