my sister...need advice

Sorry to vent once again but I am in a hard place right now that I don't know if I even understand. My sister is pregnant...due any day now and she has had some serious struggles (which have made me so worried about her.)
I have felt so jealous of her too...she is healthy..skinny...and pregnant with a little boy. I feel pathetic and alone. It is so hard that her and my mom can talk about what is about to happen but I can't include myself because..."it won't ever happen to me."
She wants me to be there for the birth since "i probably won't ever get to experience it myself." (her words) I know she means well and that she loves me but I don't think anyone could know how difficult this has been for me. How can I say that I can't come in when she has the baby when she wants me to so badly...she said that she needs my support. Emotionally I don't know if I can handle it though. Any advice? It has been a bad day for me today and I have felt like crying...
It is like I cannot focus on what I have right now and I only focus on what I don't have. I hate feeling this way...it is awful. It makes me feel like I am ungrateful! But i'm not... I am so grateful for my husband and daughter we were blessed to adopt. I'm just in a place where normally (if we could get pregnant we would be pregnant now again since our daughter is 1 1/2) but we don't know what our next step is... adoption again? Invitro? or an only child? I want to enjoy every minute with my daughter...and I feel as though I am but I want a clear mind and I can't have one right now with the situation of my sister....I feel so down any advice?

When I first was diagnosed with my condition I was surrounded by my mom, sister and best friend. They wanted to comfort me but I felt so down I didn't want to be even touched. I was young and my heart had broken.
It is a memory I wish I could forget....not one of my proudest moments that is for sure. I just felt awful! I felt like that is when My self esteem went down hill.
How do you rebuild your self esteem? Your self image? How do you see yourself as something important and special? Someone with worth?
These are answers I am trying to find for myself right now. It is like I am rediscovering who I really am. It is a hard journey.
I wish there was a kinder word then infertility. I hate that word. It sounds degrading. It has been so hard to accept.
Thanks for listening and being there. I hope you know you aren't ever alone!

hard days...

How do you cope on the hard days? On the feeling sorry for yourself days?
I have had a lot of those lately and I'm trying to getting out of the rut. Any suggestions.
I've been:

Praying (a lot!)
talking with my family and friends
exercising
reading
trying to stay busy on anything so i don't sit and think about my problems.

THanks for any imput you can offer :)

Remember You are not alone!!!